This December has broken me.
I’m not sure if you’ve been feeling this huge wave of pain and unconsciousness that’s been coming up to the surface the past weeks or not, but I sure did.
The collective energy is:
- Mourning the loss of old identities.
- Coming face to face with where we suppressed our pain.
- Getting triggered left right and center to release all trapped emotions.
Now although each one of us humans has experienced this purge through the lens of our own reality, we all have experienced one thing in common:
Pain.
Pain is a universal language, and when it speaks, it’s usually to wake us up to our own consciousness.
- It says “ You’re out of alignment”
- It whispers “Something needs to shift”
- It screams “Stop ignoring what you need to face”
The moment we do, we start awakening our own alchemical powers.
Now, if you’re wondering what happened this month,
Here is my heartbreak story:
If you’ve been reading my letters, you probably remember the story of that lover who ran away and broke my heart because they didn’t believe in my story of the Universe.
Well, this month something similar happened.
You know that viral video that says, “Have you ever had a crush on someone and then you lost your mind?”
Well, this is it again:
Finding myself vulnerable, rejected, and heartbroken.
As much as I try to understand my own emotions, I have to admit that some days they get the best of me.
- There were days when the only light I could see was just “hit post” and read the community comments.
- There were days when all I wanted was to disappear, only to realize that those parts of me just wanted to be found.
- There were days when my heart just couldn’t stop hurting, praying this pain would stop.
During that dark pit, everything seemed dark too.
You know once you’re feeling sad, you start consuming sad content to make sense of your own pain?
Well, I started consuming Franz Kafka, sad poetry, and basically everything “Heartbreak” related.
My social media feed changed, and then it snowballed into having that feed.
It was shocking how much of the collective was going through the same experience, millions of humans lost in the dark, trying to make sense of their pain.
Then it hit me,
- Maybe I had to go through so I could see that side of reality.
- Maybe this experience is my opportunity to release my own trauma.
- Maybe the Universe was showing me that even in the deepest, darkest pits of despair, we are not alone, we are connected, and we share the same universal pain.
I was crying for my own pain, and then I found myself crying for humanity.
It was too much of an intense emotion that I thought about smoking it, drinking it or numbing it, but all I remembered was WHY I stopped doing these things for the past 2 years.
I couldn’t possibly go back to my old ways.
So the only thing left for me is to sit there, face my shadow, and try to figure out my own existence.
I realized that the only thing that kept me sane was my commitments, and I had 3 main ones for this month:
- Post daily.
- Write one weekly letter
- Finish recording my new course.
Those projects were my only light.
They gave me purpose and a reason to crawl out of bed with a heavy heart and just show up.
With days passing by, I realized that I found myself in a situation where I had to experience the hurt and suffering so I could apply my own advice.
You see, being an alchemist isn’t about :
- Being emotionally strong
- Knowing exactly how to transmute
- Or just having a magic wand to clear out pain.
It’s about your ability to choose yourself.
- To find your own light.
- To take responsibility for your own pain.
- And most importantly to sit with it, no matter how uncomfortable it might feel.
Because the reality is, most people are not willing to face it, so they choose to project that pain outward.
As they say “ Hurt people hurt people, but healed people, heal people”
If you’re going through it today, I hope this letter can bring you the same healing effect that it did while I was writing it.
Now, if you’re feeling rejected, know that you’re being redirected ( or protected)
And If you’re feeling hurt, I’m here to tell you to choose yourself, my friend.
“ Ok Ons, but how can I choose myself?”
Well, it’s simple:
- Understand the WHY behind that emotion.
- Write down everything in your mind, and release the energy from the unseen (mind) to the seen ( paper)
- Find a way to channel that energy into a creative project, instead of leaking it into the world.
- Move the energy from your body ( get active)
That’s it.
Just remember: the only way is through.
So, create that life you know you deserve.
With that said,
Thank you for choosing to read my newsletter this year.
I see all of you here.
Feel free to reply to this email if you want to share any feedback.
See you next year.
-Ons